Contradictory Conditions That We Set Up

My sister complained/lamented to me today about how she gets annoyed when her friends don't tell her enough details about a person she cares about when they haphazardly meet them on the street or at some party. To be more concrete, my sister still thinks about her boyfriend, but she doesn't want others to know that she does. One of her friends met her ex at some festival. All her friend had to say about my sister's ex was that "he seemed fine." I will admit that that isn't specific enough for a person who wants to know a lot a details. The problem is that my sister doesn't want to seem like she's nosy or needy or that she still thinks about him and thus she can't ask for her friend to go into more detail. But at the same time she wants her friend to go into detail. My sister gets frustrated. The logic here is simple really. She set up two conditions for herself as specified below:

1. She doesn't want to have people know that she still cares about him 

2. She wants to know more details about this person she cares about. 

Given that her friend didn't go into detail, we can see that condition 2 was not fulfilled (condition 2 is the more moving force here). Only condition 1 is left. And she's trying to fulfill that too. She does not have too many simple options here. Both conditions are hard to fulfill by themselves. She can hope that her friend is garrulous and voluble which would fulfill both conditions (her friend would just naturally spill all the beans) and my sister would keep her secret. But this didn't happen. She can try to be low-key and ask more prying questions at the risk of not fulfilling condition one, but more than likely fulfilling condition 2 (but the risk here is also that condition 2 might not be fully met because her friend might have not had a detailed interaction or her friend just can't explain things into sufficient detail). Or she can give up the dilemma and be straightforward, and fulfill condition 2 at the expense of condition 1. 

These are the logical options that she has set up for herself by building up these conditions. But why be mad at external reality (in this case, her friend) if you're the one who's put these rigid standards for reality to fulfill. Sometimes shit does not go down the way you want. Yet being frustrated and rankled is futile, utterly pointless. How is her friend to know that my sister wants to know more details? she's not clairvoyant. It does not help you to expect external circumstances to know exactly the conditions you want it to fulfill, it makes you seem illogical. In essence, you're anthropomorphizing reality itself, and treating it like it's supposed to know what conditions you want it to fulfill without you saying anything about the matter. The only thing you can do is change the system that you've built, your conditions. Learn to winnow out certain conditions and do not expect everything to fall exactly into place. Stoicism is the answer here. The only thing you can change is how you react to external reality. You cannot micro-manage external reality completely. You can build a garden if you want, sure, but there are certain aspects of external reality that are outside of your control. Your absolute freedom is in your internal aspect. You can control the system within your head, you can control your own internal reality. 

Reason is outside of the a priori forms of pure intuition of space and time. It's outside of causality as Kant would say. Reason is in the intelligible and it is its own prime mover. So even if you have genes that will make it harder for you to control your emotions and even if the genes in your body react negatively to the environment it is set in, you can still act according to reason. It's not pinioned to empirical conditions. Reason is always in control, practically speaking.